February 12, 2007

The Silent Treatment

My life has taken an interesting turn over the last 2 weeks.  So, let me get you up-to-date.

I became ill with the upper-respiratory crud before Christmas and completely lost my voice. After a few days it got better. I could talk – but not sing. Two weeks went by and still, no singing voice. A month went by and nothing but squeaks came out when I tried to hum a tune.

On January 29, I was finally able to get in to see a specialist in Dallas. He told me that I have some kind of upper-respiratory infection and inflammation around my vocal chords. I'm now on steroids and an antibiotic. But that's the best part of the story.

The worst part is that I have to be on voice rest until February 19. That means no talking, no whispering and no singing. In practical terms, no bedtime stories, no giving directions to four children, and no cell phone! I have to go to my children's basketball games and sit quietly! Can you imagine the torture for this competitive spirit? I think I'm going to get one of those loud, obnoxious noise makers!

This morning, as I had a few minutes of “quiet” time, I began thinking about my inability to talk. I was strangely overcome with a sense, not of fear and frustration, but of gratefulness. Tears began streaming down my face as I thanked God for loving and caring for me. I'm blessed beyond measure. He loves me so much. It's both humbling and comforting to think that He has my well-being in mind. He thinks about me, and He knows me, backwards and forwards. I know, because it says so in Psalm 139. My spirit soared as I praised Him.

With tears still leaking from the corners of my eyes, my thoughts then drifted to my family. (I know some of you are thinking, “Boy, she must be having major PMS.” Not so . . . that was last week!) I was overwhelmed by the depth of love I have for each of them, and realizing their love for me. My spirit cried out, “Oh, how I want them to know how much I love them, Lord.” I wondered, “What can I do to show my love, since I can't use my words to tell them?”

I've already noticed that when I want to say something endearing to them, I have to be creative in making my actions express my thoughts without words . For example, I've noticed the need to stop more frequently to give a prolonged hug to my sometimes high-maintenance 6-year-old. When my little one gets hurt, I can't comfort him with my voice, so I just hold him tightly and kiss his “ouchie” repeatedly. I walked in my 12-year-old son's room this morning, to see what he was doing on the computer. He usually doesn't have a lot to say (unless he's reciting lines from Napoleon Dynamite), but because I was just watching and being quiet, he began to share some new technological feature he'd discovered. I love it when he shares his thoughts with me (even when I don't have a clue what he's talking about). As for my husband, who I can too easily take for granted, I've tried to simply touch him more. It's not necessarily in a sexual way, but a kiss on the cheek, a squeeze of the hand, a hug, or a quick back rub that says, “I love you.”

Maybe it's not all bad that I can't talk right now. You see, I'm learning that love is not about words. It is about action, about showing love.

Oh, had the God of heaven not shown His love in action, when he sent His Son to die on a cross for our sins, we would have never experienced the greatest love of all... Jesus. He loved us so much that he gave his life, so we could experience an abundant life with Him, now and throughout eternity. Wow, talk about overwhelming! Now that's something to shed a joyful tear about! 1 John 4:10 “ This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins .”

May you be overcome by God's love for you this Valentines Day; and when you are, let it overflow to those around you! “ We can love because He first loved us .” 1 John 4:19

Lover of my soul, may You be glorified in me today. May Your amazing love flow through me, as I show love to those around me. Help me to act according to Your Word and “clothe myself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” ( Col. 3:12). Thank You, Lord, for doing a work in me . . . nothing I could ever do on my own. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

-Laurie