April 30, 2007

Smothering Mothering

She was so excited to show Daddy the birthday gifts we bought for her aunt. The garage door rattled and before it was halfway up, she was waiting in the middle of the garage!

I was miffed. Why couldn’t she wait until he got in the house? I would have enjoyed seeing his approval, too, you know! So, of course, I marched out to the garage where the family was now gathered and with a raised eyebrow and disapproving tone of voice I fussed, “Why couldn’t you let him get in the house first?”

She ducked her head and went in the house. At first I didn’t notice my irritability over such a small thing. (Can’t we be oblivious at times!) But as soon as I walked in the house I started thinking, “Maybe I over -reacted juuuust a little?”

After she had disappeared for a while, I went to find her. Did she really just have to go to the bathroom (I was hoping) or had I hurt her feelings? When I saw the red eyes, I knew the latter was true. I apologized for my selfishness and for being upset over nothing. She said, “That was kinda mean, Mom.” I agreed, ducked my head this time and asked for her forgiveness. Her smile returned. She hugged me and was on her way.

I wasn’t over it so quickly. I went to my room and was too sad to even cry! What was wrong with me? I began asking God why I could flip out about such little things. I should have been happy that she was learning to be such a great gift-giver. But, instead I was harsh. I could have just taken a hard bite on my tongue and smiled, but I allowed my words to spill out before my mind had time to think. She is a little girl, full of enthusiasm - enthusiasm that I often try to smother. I prayed (begged) that God would help me gain perspective in my circumstances and see the bigger picture rather than only seeing my side of things.

After being completely disappointed with myself, I asked God to forgive me. I realized that even though I’m awful at times, I have hope because of the Lord. If I didn’t know Him, all I would be able to do is wallow in the guilt of how I’m sometimes a failure at being the encouraging mom I long to be. But, I know that I don’t have to stay there. I am His. He loves me even when I am unlovable. One of the amazing things about God is that He is so good He can uses my struggles and failures to bring me closer to Him, crying out for His wisdom, understanding and insight. (see Rom. 8:28; Proverbs 2:3-6)

Have you been majoring on the minors, smothering them in your mothering? Cry out to Him. You don’t have to sit in the pit of depression. If you don’t know Him, let Him rescue you. Romans 3:23-26 (The Message) says, “Since we’ve compiled this long and sorry record as sinners…and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity He put us in right standing with Himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we’re in and restored us to where He always wanted us to be. And He did it by means of Jesus Christ.”

Everybody messes up. We really understand this after we’ve had kids. We want to be so good at parenting, but it doesn’t take long to find out how sorry we can be. But, there is hope for us because of what Jesus did. If you would like to know more about having a relationship with Him, please contact us. We would love to send you a couple of resources that will make this relationship more clear.

That day when I had blown it - again, if I had not known to turn to God, my misery, discontent and selfishness would only have grown. I would have eventually wanted to give up. But, just as we can sometimes kiss away the hurts of our kids, I turned to my heavenly Father to have my burden lifted. If you are desperate for hope, He is good at giving it. None of us are perfect moms, but we have access to the Perfect Father. Run to Him!!

Lord,
You are so gracious to call us to Yourself at our most unlovable moments. I pray that You will help us stop wallowing in the mud of our words and actions, and turn to You for help. For the mom who is reading this and doesn’t know or understand the sweet relief of Your constant presence, open her eyes and heart to Your love. You are the Creator of the ends of the earth. You will not grow tired or weary, and Your understanding, we can’t begin to fathom. You give strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak. You promise that when we put our hope in You, You will renew our strength. Please renew us. (Isaiah 40:28-31) We ask this because of Jesus…Amen.

-Sharon